Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Model assaults man with phone.

I thought I’d relate the unfortunate tale of a dear friend of mine, in light of the current news item concerning a certain dark skinned model with attitude.
My friend too had the misfortune of being at the receiving end of a telephonic device, directed at his bonce by an overpaid model.

You may think this not such a serious incident as the one currently in the news, given that the telephonic device which bounced off my friend’s head was in fact a mobile phone and not a landline phone, as was the one involved in the recent court case. However, the incident to which I refer occurred 15 years ago when mobile phones resembled bricks and were capable of inflicting a comparable injury to a brick if thrown with similar force.

My friend was placed in somewhat of a dilemma by the offer of compensation by the model in question. You see, John (not his real name of course) is not blessed with any admirable physical attributes that would attract the opposite, never mind the same sex. In fact, it was rumoured that he was still a virgin, even after having reached and passed his 40th birthday.
The dilemma to which I will relate, was in the form of a choice of recompense not normally of a type offered in court. You see, the model in question created a ‘Michael Miles’ situation when she put it to John to ‘take the money or open the box?’

John, at this particular juncture in his life, had found himself in serious debt through no fault of his own, and the offer of what was a substantial four figure sum, was the answer to some of his prayers. Yet the attraction of ‘opening the box’ proved too strong a temptation for him and he forewent the chance of paying off his debts; instead preferring the imagined delights of the flesh.

It is only now, 15 years later, that John approached me, relating this episode in his life.
You see, John believes that he was ‘diddled’ all those years ago, in relation to his expectations, having decided on the meatier option of recompense.
I have no wish to divulge details here of the exact nature of his complaint, but I can reveal that he intends to seek financial reparations for the original injurious nature of the assault carried out on him all those years ago, even though he originally opted for the more salacious option of compensation.
Unfortunately, he foolishly contacted the model in question, to make it known to her that he was pursuing this course of action and was most taken aback by her vehement response.
She said something along the lines of it ‘not standing up in court either.’

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