Letter to Terry Wogan.
I have been caught out before, on being informed by one of my ‘contacts’ of some ‘exclusive’ news item, only to find out later, that said news item has been fabricated solely for the purpose of making me out to be some kind of ignorant buffoon.
Given this fact, a ‘pinch of salt’ is applied to all such ‘exclusives’ passed in my direction and the necessary due diligence performed by me personally, to verify such ‘news items’ as being 100% kosher.
In relation to the following exclusive, I can assure you that all the details, which I herewith reveal to you, have been verified by my own intervention and as a consequence, I am now able to say, with all confidence, that the following ‘news item’ is stamped with my own personal seal of approval as being fact.
You are no doubt aware of ‘Pick Your Own’ in relation to acquiring certain types of fruits and vegetables, though I am sure that being aware of same, does in no way assume that you have ever ‘picked your own’ - at least not in reference to fruits or vegetables.
I am sure you are probably in agreement that this mode of fruit and vegetable acquisition is a successful business model in persuading persons of a certain bent, to get out into the country and to get in touch with the reality of food production. In our modern age, the supermarket removes us from this ‘connection’ with the everyday items we put on our plates.
With this is mind, a certain group of business minded individuals have applied extrapolation to this successful business model in marketing their new company ‘Kill Your Own.’
To enable them to expand their business, they took the bold step of applying to present their company and business model on the successful television programme ‘Dragon’s Den. This they did on the last series, which I believe has just completed its television run.
Now you are probably thinking ‘I don’t remember that one?!’
And you’d be correct in your assumption. It never actually made the light of day. The reasons for this I can now relate to you, though I accept no responsibility for the consequences of my revealing this to you here now.
In this respect, you are free to read no further, the details which I am about to reveal to you. I hope I make myself clear on this matter?
If you have just one ounce of imagination – which I’m sure you probably have - you will have no doubt already applied extrapolation to those three little words ‘Kill Your Own.’ And you’d be right!
The presentation to the five dragons went extremely well, to such an extent that two of the dragons offered their combined services and the full amount of £250,000, for a 50% share of the company. So far so good.
Unfortunately, the assistant sound engineer attending set on that day, was and is a member of the ‘ALF’ (Animal Liberation Front) and is also a long standing vegetarian, as you’d expect. Also, I have had it suggested that he is an active Animal Rights Activist, though I have not been able to personally verify this statement, so will remain ‘on the fence’ in reference to that fact.
To cut a long story short, the two persons who presented to the ‘Dragon’s Den’ and who also head the company ‘Kill Your Own’ - together with the two ‘dragons’ who offered their services and financing for a 50% steak in the company, have been the subject of numerous death threats by individuals unknown.
It is for this reason that the BBC decided to ‘edit’ that particular episode of Dragon’s Den, for fear of retribution by ‘animal terrorists.’
It is possible and altogether probable that you have already caught a whiff of this story, given your standing at the BBC; no doubt being informed by the DG no less, that the story will remain ‘under wraps’ or at least hidden away until it is well past its ‘sell by date.’
If this be true then I am absolutely appalled! Especially as you are a big fan of snorkers – something that you have made public on many an occasion.
Ask any child if they would like a snorker and 9 out of 10 will say ‘yes please.’
Now ask those same children if they know where snorkers come from and you will probably get one of the following answers. ‘The fridge.’ or ‘Sainsburys.’ or answers to that effect.
Of course you and I both know that snorkers come from the butchers. But then we are both of a certain age where we are more in touch with reality.
‘Kill Your Own’ offers our children the chance of ‘connecting’ with the real world of food production. We owe them at least that.
It is to this end that I ask of you to please use all your powers to see that this story receives the exposure it deserves.