London, 3rd Sept:
A public school teacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Home Secretary John Reid said he believes the man is a member of the notorious "Al-gebra" movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Met Police with carrying weapons of math's instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Reid said."They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute values. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle".
When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Tony Blair said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math's Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."