Wogan

Dear Terry,

Your show just perpetuates the perceptions of the masses in their right wing extremes of thought and deed, in your continued insistence of including a ‘religious slot’ in your programme. I realise the deft delicacy of its presentation is designed not to offend any particular religion; especially so in these modern times where religious extremists would use any means of interpretation to twist the words in such a fashion as to appear to have an opposing meaning.
However, in your perceived ‘softly softly’ approach in likewise twisting words around into various wholesome shapes, you have omitted to be inclusive in your supposed all encompassing presentation.
I will have you know that The Devil himself listens in to your show every day, but woe betide Hell’s Controller of Radio Transmissions if she should fail to switch off at the appropriate time, when your appointed ‘preachers of all things good slot’ is aired.
I have known The Devil now for 104 years, having sold him my soul in exchange for a life of eternity, and I can tell you here that he is a very reasonable entity and fair in all decisions of Hellish importance.
But when you air your supposed ‘all encompassing religious slot’ he fumes more than is normal for him.
As a big fan of Radio 2 and specifically The Wogan show, he can’t understand why this exclusion?! 10 years ago he would not have batted any of his eyelids at this affront, but in these times of ‘add all ingredients to the recipe to make sure we include all tastes and flavours’ he feels especially affronted.
I’ll have you know that The Devil is an entity of some no small taste and culture; fully realising that if you mix all the colours of the rainbow together you get ‘brown.’ Similarly, if you mix all the world’s ingredients together you will only create the culinary equivalent of ‘brown.’ (Incidentally he uses this analogy when getting off on one of his political diatribes. Only replace lower case ‘b’ with capital ‘B’ in the word ‘brown.’) BUT even so, fully aware of the ‘all-things-to-all-men’ resultant recipe and its vomit inducing creation, he WILL NOT tolerate being left out of the list of ingredients.
It is to this end that he has asked me to write to you in order for you to flex your muscles in exerting pressure on the powers that be within the BBC.
His gratitude will be in the form of granting you five more years as a mortal upon this earth. I’d say that was a bloody good deal, especially given your advanced years and poor health.
He’s wicked isn’t he? But I suppose that’s what makes him so good.